On a summer night in Bangkok, Alan Chang was visibly upset. He confessed that he had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship with his girlfriend Alice, who he respected with all of his might. He had respected her so much, he had never had sex with her.
The table was packed... to Alan Chang's left was a large eared, 5'1 Korean-Chinese man named Gnomelord and to his right was Shaq, a 5'7' sexpat who earned extra credit on his Rice Score. Beside the sexpat was Legendary SugarBoi.
However, the most impressive member of the group was Michael Cao, a recently divorced 5'6 Chinese man, whose heart still ached over his biggest mistake. And then there was Oozaru... None of the group even knew who he was or why he was in Thailand, but they permitted him because he smelled like cheeseburgers.
Suddenly, Oozaru made eye-contact with everyone at the table, "I hate you all. Humanity is a disgusting, wretched, depraved species. If I had it in my power, I would stop at nothing to reduce every single one of you to mountains of skulls and rivers of blood. I will leave no stone unturned until humanity is exterminated by my hands and until every single piece of land becomes a fucking cemetary that becomes inhabited by you worthless pieces of shit. And rightfully so."
Alan Chang normally would have been shaken but he felt emboldened with the power of Phenibut®. Trying to forget his dead relationship, Alan went on Yelp. "Let's see what we have here fellas... there's Korean barbeque, hot pot, and oh yeah, my favorite: your mom's pussy."
"Alan," Gnomelord said, "Why did you say that? You know we love our moms!"
"It's just a joke," Alan said. "But here's something that's not a joke: I would fuck Tumbling with the force of 100F!"
Gnomelord was confused but then nodded, "I actually see the resemblance."
"Yeah, they kinda do look related," said SugarBoi.
Oozaru agreed. "Oh yeah, that's incestous themes."
Inspired, Michael Cao pulled out his phone and showed the group a picture of his attractive cousin. "Who wants to dick down my cousin?"
***
Alan sat in the therapist's chair and sobbed as Dr. Ankistar looked on. He would've continued confiding to Ankistar about his crumbling relationship with Alice but the time was up.
"Here's prescriptions for prednisone, cialis, and melanin injections to get over the mental anguish Mr. Chang."
***
Outside by Alan's car, the others had been waiting. When Alan returned, he searched on his phone and played the song that had pulled him out of Marshaceldom. The music blasted from the car. "Oh yeah, that's Nightcore - SAD! by XXXTentacion."
Oozaru was taken aback by Alan's choice of music. "Are you okay?"
Alan looked at Oozaru, "Who said death was easy?"